Questions Are Many, Answers But a Few.

I have a very distinct need for uncertainty. However, I also feel the tug between uncertainty and the desire to know what I want.

I don't know whether this conflict is due to living in the closet for so many years or if it's just a common condition to all of mankind. I have a suspicion that it is more of the latter than the former.

In some areas of life, I am confident and I know exactly what I want. In others, I don't know what I want. Or I know what I want, but I second-guess my desires. It really is a fear of what others think, or what I think they think. Why is it so important? Why do I fear so much the disapproval of other people who are no more enlightened than I am?

How can I bring the same level of authenticity to the uncertain areas of my life as I have in the areas over which I exercise complete clarity and peace?

Perhaps it's taking my own advice that awareness is the first step. Perhaps asking these questions begins the process. And perhaps the next step is loving myself enough to say, "the choices I make based on the desires that I have are good for me despite what anyone thinks."