Rules! Rules! Rules!

As I've shared on this blog, I've wrestled a bit with the balance between holiness and its practical application in everyday life--specifically when it comes to the subject of sex.

Raising the Questions
When I came out, for the first time, I realized that I needed to really think about what I believed about sex. What were my convictions? What would be my guidelines?

How do I set boundaries? Are they important? Why? For most around me, these questions are kin to heresy. GASP How can you question boundaries when it comes to sex? The prevailing thought seemed to be "stay away...far, far away!" And that is just how I'd been raised as a child of conservative evangelicalism.

For the first time in my life, I needed more. I had to have a better understanding. Because I wanted to know, "What does God think?" and "What does God expect from me?"

As I've walked this road over the past 2 years or so, I've made some decisions that I wish I had made differently. I've made others for which I'm thankful. But as I continue to weigh these tough ideas, I am struck by the balance of sin versus grace. The Apostle Paul seemed to be thinking of this same idea when he said, "Should I sin that grace might abound?" (loose paraphrase of KJV)

"God forbid." In other words, "absolutely not!"

Yet grace is a "many-splendored" thing. So I ask myself, Why do I feel compelled to create rules for myself? Why do I need definite "black and white", "yes or no" rules?

What Does God Expect?
An honest heart more than an outward show.

Then Samuel said, Do you think all God wants are sacrifices - empty rituals just for show? He wants you to listen to him! Plain listening is the thing, not staging a lavish religious production. (I Samuel 15:22 The Message)

A just, merciful, humble and loving heart.

But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, And don't take yourself too seriously - take God seriously. (Micah 6:8 The Message)

Pursuit of His heart.

And loving him with all passion and intelligence and energy, and loving others as well as you love yourself. Why, that's better than all offerings and sacrifices put together!" When Jesus realized how insightful he was, he said, "You're almost there, right on the border of God's kingdom." After that, no one else dared ask a question. (Mark 12:33-34 The Message)

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. (Matthew 6:33 KJV)

So why am I compelled to create rules, measures and judgements of my holiness? I've come to the conclusion that it's not for God's sake, but for my own. And perhaps that is the most sinful thing of all.

For it is really my selfish and self-centered attempts to do something for God. God does not require that I do something for Him, but that I become something for His glory. When I am seeking to do something for God, the only result is my own glorification (i.e. "Look what I have done. Look at how 'holy' I am!").

Holiness is something I am, not something I do. It is not just having a "form" of godliness without the power of God's Spirit within me, but it is becoming Christlike through the work of God's Holy Spirit.

If I am struggling to become Christlike, it is because I am struggling, not God.

Happy Valentine's and More Sex Talk

Happy Valentine's Day!
Hope you all had a good Valentine's day. Although, among most of my single friends, this day is despised. I have mixed feelings. I'm doing the LDR (long distance relationship) thing, so it's really hard to be separate on a day like Valentine's. But I am thankful for the relationship that God's entrusted to me for this time in my life.

When I got home from work yesterday, there was a bright red FTD box. My sweetie sent me flowers. I know, it's romantic and a bit sappy, but I love them. I really like orchids...so when we were together recently, I mentioned that. And my sweatheart paid attention. So here is a pic of my orchids. It's not terribly clear, cuz it was taken with my phone.

More About Sex
Well, you guys have been bugging me (those of you who know the face behind the wizard's curtain) for more on the sex post I did a little bit ago.

I've been lax in getting this posted, because I have limited access to a computer and that's where I do my posting and most of my research. I still want to look into this subject at length, but I want to post some things I've been thinking about just to stimulate your own thought process.

I'd written a beautiful post several days ago, and just as I was going to upload it, the computer glitched and I lost it...darn! And it was really brilliant too.

SIGH - So you'll have to do with this second post...which, I'm sure will not be nearly as brilliant!

In Bible college I had a professor who was one of the best instructors that I've ever had. Have you ever been in a situation when God brings someone into your life for a finite amount of time to teach you something. Dr. "Jones" was one of those people.

In my degree, we were discussing a potentially controversial topic, and he did something that I will never forget. It was one of those life-changing experiences and the best lecture I've ever sat in.

For two class periods, he read every scripture in the Bible that pertained to this issue. He made no commentary, but asked us to then take these verses and formulate our own thoughts on the subject.

It is in this same vein that I am going to post some thoughts today...just to ask you to start thinking for yourself. I am going to quote some sources that you may (or may not) agree with. Either way, I ask you to open your mind and heart and seek God's face on this topic.

Unlike my professor, I will actually share my commentary along the way. We probably won't agree, but I pray that each of us will draw closer to the Savior for having asked questions and knocked at His door.

Some Thoughts
When we discuss the sex before marriage issue, it's primarily to argue morality. But I've come across something that challenged my view. You see, I grew up like some of you--in a conservative, evangelistic, Christian home. We were weaned in the church. And for me, sex was always a moral issue. And the emphasis was usually negative.

I came across a link recently on the Soulforce website. It's an essay called Homosexuality and the Bible by Walter Wink. The essay is extensive and handles a variety of issues.

When I came across the following quote, my response was "HUH?!?"

The crux of the matter, it seems to me, is simply that the Bible has no sexual ethic. There is no Biblical sex ethic.

After reading it a couple of more times, I continued reading. I won't quote more of the essay here, because I want to encourage you to click through and read what he has to say. I had not thought of this perspective before.

I always assumed that of course the Bible had a sexual ethic. But as I've wrestled with this issue, I've come up against some tough questions. How do we balance holiness and sexuality? Is sex morally right or wrong? Is morality or immorality defined by the situation (i.e. marriage or commitment)? Yikes! The implications of answering that question too deeply is a bit scary! What about experience? How do cultural norms and shifts in society play into this topic?

It's easy to just say "society's going to hell and it's all evil till Jesus comes". But to truly ask the tough questions and live "in" the world but not be "of" the world, requires that we set aside these pat answers and cliches.

What do you think? What has been your experience? Share with me by commenting or e-mailing me. I'd like to share some of your thoughts here on this blog as I journey this path. I'll try to answer some of these questions for myself, and will share my answers with you as I uncover them.

Sex!

It's one of our favorite topics to discuss, so I'm letting you know that I'll be delving in to this topic soon. I'm going to continue blogging about relationships. I'm actually in the middle of a larger project on this subject, and I'm going to include some of those musings as well.

But recently, a friend challenged me in the area of sex. So, I'm going to cover it. I know you may not agree with my ideas or stance, but I'm going to try to be as honest as possible as I really look into this issue more carefully.

I hope that if nothing more, my thoughts will challenge you to look at your own beliefs regarding sex. Through the discussion, I pray that I will draw closer to Christ and that I will be able to grow and be more authentic.

Keep your eyes peeled (or pealed)! :)