Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Answers and The Uncertainty of Doubt

What happens when you get what you want?

For me, a sense of boredom always seems to set in. I soon find myself looking for the next best thing—whether it be professional or personal.

We spend so much time searching, looking here and there, yearning for what our heart desires. But what happens when the yearning is over? What happens when you find that you have found what you are searching for?

For me this happened when I quit searching. But it wasn’t a conscious thing. It was a process and a decision made as I grew and matured emotionally. I didn’t realize that it was happening at the time.

As soon as I quit grasping, what I was looking for appeared before my eyes. Now, I am experiencing the uncertainty of doubt. I am mildly cynical perhaps. I ask myself, “Is this really what I’m looking for?”

I am still surprised every time that the answer comes back to me.

Yes, it is!

Monday, August 11, 2008

Desire (Not the Streetcar)

The heart’s desire. What is it that my heart truly desires?

All of my life, there has been a sense of “not enough”. A desire for more. And I often wondered if this yearning would ever be satiated. Would the feeling of lack ever be assuaged? Would the feeling that there is something still to be achieved ever be filled?

I had become gripped by this sense of incompleteness until it became normal.

And then last week, I had a eureka moment! I suddenly saw my desire as a gift from the hand of God.

Scripture says that He gives us the “desire of our hearts”. And I had often recognized Him as the source of my desires. But I had always equated my desires with my ambitions.

Last week I recognized the gift of the desire itself. The desire to achieve a goal—the ambition, the drive—is the gift. The motivation to achieve comes from the hand of God.

When we surrender to His direction with childlike trust, we are able to walk in faith, and fear is abolished. When we trust, we surrender and beauty begins to fill our lives. Happiness fills our days and contentment in the midst of uncertainty comforts and guides us.

(This post has not gone in the direction I had planned, but I think there’s some good here, so I’ll post again in a subsequent post more along the lines of what I’d originally intended)