I didn't really struggle much with my sexuality prior to coming out to myself. I was so far in the back of the closet, I think I remember visiting one afternoon with a faun named Tumnus. Basically, I was in
another world, psychologically, and that probably preserved my sanity growing up.I never allowed myself to much consider the feelings and thoughts of my own heart and what it really meant to who I was as a person.
After coming out to myself, I reconciled my faith and sexuality fairly seamlessly in a matter of two or three months. There was about a 20-something year prep period for that sudden realization, however.
One of the things I have struggled a bit with is challenging and questioning everything I believe.
Over the last weeks, I have been reading M. Scott Peck's classic, The Road Less Traveled. Toward the end of the book, the author makes this insightful observation.
The road to spiritual growth, however, lies in...distrusting what we already
believe, by actively seeking the threatening and unfamiliar, by deliberately
challenging the validity of what we have previously been taught and hold dear.
As I mentioned in the previous post, many of us struggle with this process because in normal religious training, we're often discouraged from questioning authority.
Think about this, though. God does not need you to protect Him from your own questioning. Truth is never threatened. Men and the power with which they influence others is threatened.
In fact, God seems welcoming of our questions and uncertainties. Try me. Test me. Prove me. This is His plea--over and over again. Why?
God yearns for you and you alone. He does not need to manipulate you. He loves you.
Free will. The sincerest test of true love, and the most benificent gift of grace.
2 comments:
Excellent post.
When I read The Road Less Travelled over 20 years ago, I was firmly in the closet, and I would never have clued in that Peck might be suggesting I question the wisdom of staying in the closet... Slowly now, as I keep questioning, I inch further out of the closet. I still have a long way to go.
Yeah...It's interesting how we all read it from our own perspectives at the time.
I read it in relationship to questions that came up after I left the closet...questioning my other beliefs and "convictions" (which, incidently, weren't convictions, but convenient beliefs).
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