Relationships make up our human experience. We have relationships with every person in our lives; yet we also relate to animals and things, as well as, our environment. Why is it then, that most of us have such unhealthy habit patterns when it comes to the relationships that make up our lives?
It is because we have learned to relate according to a certain pattern. We have been conditioned to interact with one another in a specific way and according to specific codes of conduct.
Sadly, most of us go through the same patterns over and over again, and still we lack awareness of our own behavior. Even if we are self-aware, we often lack the experience, example and models that are required to produce happiness through healthy and fulfilling relationships. Because of our desire to feel love and be connected, we seek safety and fulfillment in another person. And so we take our same pattern of habits into the highly emotionalized environment of a romantic relationship. We do our best, but obstacles soon show up, and because we do not have the proper experience, practice and tools, we become bogged down in the battle to overcome the obstacles and make the relationship "work."
Soon, the challenges we face are so overwhelming and we are so emotionally invested in the relationship that we do not know where to turn or how to continue. At this point, in an effort to relieve the anxiety and stress of the relationship, we retreat—either by actually leaving the relationship or by withdrawing into ourselves and putting up barriers to protect ourselves. This is not the path to authentic relationship.
How can we begin to become aware of our patterns and change our habits when there are so many barriers within us? It is impossible. In my experience, authenticity starts with the relationship between the soul of man or woman and their Creator. Only, then can one have a proper relationship to self. When you and I are in proper relationship with the Source of life, then we can develop a proper sense of relationship to self. We learned to relate to everything in our world by the training of those around us and by our own experience. You have the choice to craft your own life when it comes to relationships, but you must learn these new principles in the same way—exposure to them and application of them.
Over the next several posts, I plan to blog about the keys to authenticity in relationship. All of these principles, I have learned from others, but they do come from my own experience as well. Take a look at these thoughts and see what resonates with your own understanding and experience.
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