Loneliness

Bleh!

Sometimes life is just like that.

This post might (most likely will) meander a bit since my mind is a bit unfocused and "bleh".

The past few weeks have been a struggle, honestly. Off and on, I've just been attacked by loneliness. I know you all can probably commiserate.

The key (they say) is to not resist what is, and to allow it to be. Bull-honkey!

Ok, so "they" are probably right, but how can I not resist the loneliness? Doesn't "not resisting" become the act of resisting the resistance? (Sounds circular to me). And that's how it feels---my mind, emotions and personal will in a giant toilet bowl swirling toward the inevitable whoosh through the drain and into the sewer of life.

Ok, so I'm being a bit melodramatic and perhaps a bit drama queen-ish. None of this takes away from the reality of the intensity of the deep feeling of loneliness. It really is like a dementor (if you've read Harry Potter) sucking the life and energy from my soul.

I know what it is. I know what it's doing. Yet I feel powerless to stop it from siphoning the life from me. All the while I'm conscious that I am not powerless and should be able to change the feelings I have. And that makes me even more frustrated.

So...am I just crazy?

No. I'm human. And I guess I'm ok with that. I'm ok.