Why Relationship?

I mentioned that I've been reading The Seven Levels of Intimacy lately. In it, the author's main thesis is what he calls the purpose for relationship. Consequently, I've been doing alot of thinking about the relationships in my own life. And I want to ask my readers some of the questions that I've been thinking about.

Why Relationship?
What is the purpose of relationship for you? Is this purpose different in your primary relationship versus your secondary relationships or acquaintances?

In The Seven Levels, the author maintains the premise that relationships should help each participant become the "best-version" of himself or herself. This principle really resonates with me based on my experience in relationships--business, work, home, primary, secondary and acquantainces.

But it is really just a model (as the author asserts). The reality of the relationship is between the two people involved. An amazing thing happens when you join into relationship with another person with a shared guiding purpose (such as becoming your best-version selves), you are able to synergize and grow at phenomenal rates. It's not always easy; but it is fun, and it is motivating. This type of relationship drives you and brings vitality and excitement to your life.

So really, the landscape of any relationship is up to you to determine. Alot of times, we pattern our relationships after the relationships of others. This this can be helpful for low-impact, low-energy relationships...like acquaintances, etc. However, when it comes to primary relationships---no matter what part of your life the involve---I find that it is important to choose wisely. This isn't easy. It takes respect for yourself first of all. And this part is the part that is most difficult to me. Sometimes respecting myself means saying, "this friendship does not help me become the best version of myself that I want to be." Even more difficult, is realizing that the primary romantic relationship in which one is involved is toxic. Although the understanding that the relationship is poisen is clear, the emotions of the relationship often cause us to devalue ourselves by staying in them too long.

Now I'm not advocating that you dump all your friends and loved ones because they don't meet your standard. But most of us know when a relationship is not right for us...we just have trouble exercising the courage to make the right decision. The more you experience courage and exercise your will to embrace it, the easier it becomes and the less likely you are to settle for a disrespectful substitute to the best.

By making strong choices about our relationships we empower our lives and the lives of others--whether that means drawing them further into our lives, or letting them loose of our own expectations. The terrain of any relationship is determined by the two people involved in the relationship. This is especially empowering when you find yourself in an unusual or potentially difficult relationship.

A Personal Example
For example, my significant other and I are in a long-distance relationship (LDR). By long- distance, we're talking about 1,500-1,800 miles between us. We are able to communicate using technology to our advantage, but it is still very difficult to maintain a relationship under these circumstances.

Fortunately, we are constantly communicating about what our relationship means to each of us. We are continuously defining our relationship for the two of us, and we often remind one another that we are empowered to make the "rules" for our relationship. We can create it any way we want. We do not have to follow someone else's pattern.

Through this process, we have been able to build and nurture a life-giving relationship that in turn guides our own individual growth. We have been nurtured by each other and by the relationship itself. We have learned to love and be loved, which is much easier than it seems at first.